To be single, I gotta get some balls

I am a shy person by nature, not the kind of person that loves to draw attention to myself, but rather enjoy sitting in the shadows and people watching from afar.  This just won’t do in the world of singledom.  The whole point of going out is the opposite of that isn’t it?   It’s to get someone, anyone to notice you, to smile, to wink, to flirt.  Maybe even to buy you a drink, or ask for a dance (do people even do that anymore?)  That’s the goal.

So I gave it a whirl.  The kids were gone for the weekend, and everyone from my mom, to my assistant at work, and my daycare provider were nagging me to go out.  To live a little, to jump back in the rodeo ring.  Afterall they said it’s been over 6 months,  and I need to get out of the house to meet people.

I ate dinner  (so I could have a drink without falling over drunk – yes it’s been that long since I’ve had a drink), took a nice hot shower, washing my hair and shaving from here to there.  And headed to my room blissfully naked to get dressed.  Standing in my closet I looked through my options.  My closet was filled to the brim, but I had nothing to wear.  Work clothes, workout clothes, mom clothes (think PTA), stuff left over from high school that really didn’t fit, old maternity clothes that really didn’t fit for the other reason (one being to small the other to big), jeans and 2 summer sundresses.  I went with a sundress paired with a small shrug sweater and some great high heels.  I put my face on and was on my way.

I used all my nerve to point my car towards the bar, the most countrified bar in the county, thinking it would be easier to get started with men in cowboy hats and line dancing.  An uneasy feeling was creeping over me the closer I got.  I told myself if the parking lot was to empty I would turn around and go back home.  It was full (a Friday night a t 10, why wouldn’t it be?).  I parked my car near a women talking a bit to loudly on the cellphone, checked myself in the rearview and got out.

Stealing myself I willed myself to walk in and up to the bar to order a drink.  Having never been in the bar in my life, I had no idea what i might find inside.  I had to walk through a herd of men standing outside the door drinking their beers and chatting it up, a guy with his arm around his datehis wife, someone winked at me, I half smiled and kept walking.  I finally got to the  bar and ordered a drink, a small group of girls looked me up and down whispered something into each others ears, started laughing and walked off.  Oh crap what did I do wrong?  I grabbed my drink and headed into the dancing parlor, found a seat pressed up in the corner of the wall hidden in the shadows and sat.

All I wanted to do was leave my drink stand up and run out the door back to my car and drive home as fast as I possibly could.  But I didn’t I wanted to save face in front of all these strangers, even if it meant sitting in the corner for 45 minutes and then trying to sneak my way back out without being seen.  As I sat I watched and looked around.  Every girl in the place was wearing jeans and boots or flip-flops.  Not a single dress, not a single pair of high heels. Everyone also seemed to know everyone else it was like the first day at a new school only there was no teacher to tell someone to be my friend.  It sucked.

After what felt like an eternity, the band came on they were pretty good, people got up and danced, and I was ready to leave – seeing as how they were distracted now with music maybe they wouldn’t notice me.  I made it back through the bar and then realized I still had to get through the swarm of men that were standing outside the front door.  I almost made it through when I heard my name.  I stopped, ,maybe they were calling someone else, lots of people have my name, then I heard it again this time right next to me, I half turned to find my best friends little brother.  Where was he when I came in?  It might’ve been easier if I knew someone even her babyface brother who was home from college for the weekend, who I had only met twice ( I’m new here – remember?)  We talked for a moment, he asked if I was leaving, my keys were in my hand I was one step in the parking lot, it was obvious ( at least to me) that I was leaving and to the point where I couldn’t just turn back in like I wasn’t.  And honestly hearing my name and being caught off guard like that really took my steeled resolve not to run away as fast as I could and any confidence I had mustered right out of me.

So I did it. I left the house and went out and tried to have a life, and found out that if I’m going be single I ‘m going to need to grow some balls.

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2 Responses to “To be single, I gotta get some balls”

  1. It’s not easy…. But only the first times are hard. Once you get to know people it gets easier and things flow! Don’t give up! 🙂 Thumbs up!

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