Stood up

Not on a date, but on something oh so more important…

No, not sex, way more meaningful then that even, on meeting the kids.

I have never before this one had the thought even cross my mind of letting anyone I’m seeing or playing with cross with the thought of my kids,  but this one, he’s different, he’s special and makes me feel safe and warm and comforted, I want nothing more than to sleep in his arms every. single. night.

I took a chance I invited him to dinner.  Now that alone is nothing special, I feed many people, and I’ve fed him many a times, except this time the kids would be home and he could meet them and him them.  Don’t know what I was thinking…

He accepted since Betty and her Green Lantern would be coming as well, but then didn’t show.  He said work held him up, which could be true, in fact Green Lantern called him and he said he was just done at work, as I was laying the kids down to sleep.

Yet, he did show eventually, so I guess technically I wasn’t stood up, but by the time he arrived the kids were all fast asleep in their little beds.

But after talking to Betty and Pixie who said maybe it was to soon, maybe it is for the best, maybe he was overwhelmed, I can’t help but think that maybe they are right, maybe he had to work late for another reason other than the obvious that he didnwant to come, and  maybe my first thoughts about men are true even for him.  That I am good for 1 thing, okay, maybe 2…  Fucking and Cooking.  I was hoping he was different, I was hoping there was more to him, that this one might actually except me for who I am; all that I am; Woman, Mother and Lover, not just 2/3rds.

I guess that he showed means something, even if it was an hour and a half after bedtime and enjoyed the plate we sat aside, but then he was called away by work yet again not even a half hour later.   Now I am not the type of woman that is going to stand between a man and his job, I mean we all know what makes the world go around, even if it means little to you, you can’t survive without it.

But…

There is always the but, isn’t there?

Yep, but….

I have heard very little from him since. Today he conveniently left his phone at home and didn’t text me all day, he has yet to call and it’s late at night now and all I’ve been hoping for is the silver lining in my so-fucked-up-awful-how-the-hell-can-this-much-go-wrong-in-a-single-day-? day is to hear from him at all, any little bit even just a text would have done. But nope, nothing. Zilch. Nada.

Maybe it’s my bad mood talking, but I’m pretty sure it’s just that I fucked it up, wanting him to meet my little ones, and the girls were right, although I wish they had expressed these thoughts before the invite was out there…

But to truly be part of my life and not just a weekend distraction, you need to accept all of them as well as me.  Frankly If a woman, a real woman wants you to meet her kids (no not a slut, but a real woman), then that means a hell of a fucking lot.  That she trusts you; that she wants you around her more often; and in her eyes at least you are someone special.

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