Shaving and Waxing oh my!

I don’t know when I got so hairy, whether the hair is new and just appeared one day or has been slowly creeping up on me and I just didn’t notice it.  But it’s here now and I spend more time than I want to admit agonizing over it…

I see a lady at a party with a goatee and wonder do I look that bad? and How can she NOT notice all the hair on her face?  I see a friend with a long  hair curling out of a mole on hew neck and wonder, do I have one of those that I am not noticing either?  I look in the visor mirror at red lights and search for rampant eyebrow hairs (the sunlight helps me see even more! )

I pluck, I wax, I shave.  More often than the recommended amount because it just needs to be done, or else I might turn into Chewbacca one day.

But here’s the thing that I really don’t understand, when did women get so hairy?  It’s not just me, it’s my friends, it strangers in the street, they tell of their hair removal strategies and methods, or it’s obvious when they don’t have any.  I don’t remember my mom spending this much time and energy on her body hair,  How come my friends and I all started getting chin hairs before we were 30?  My grandma never had one at 80!   Is it the food we eat? The crap we put on our skin to keep us younger?  Or that we are all single again?  Is it that God is spiting us divorcees because of Marriages did not last to” death do you part” with excess body hair?

Being single I’m sure has a lot to do with it, when I was married I shaved my legs maybe once a week and was good to go.  I only had 1 chin hair worthy of plucking, and I waxed my eyebrows maybe once every 6 months and my lip even less.  And I was in no way hairy or manish or anything that might come to mind of that realm.  Trust me my ex would have told me, he was great with the snide remarks and cut downs.  He was the one after all that pointed out the chin hair whenever it reappeared, or my legs got scratchy and irritated him, it just seemed to take longer, or probably I wasn’t so anal about it, and paranoid.  Women after all are supposed to be hair-free and smooth, have perfect eyebrows, and no odd  hairs on their bodies.  So now I spend more time than possible worrying about where a hair might be or that I might have missed one and it is going to be a blinking red beacon light or my faults to every man that looks my way screaming…  Unclean!  Divorced! Mother! Old! Swamped! Run, Run Run!!!

Searching my chin and brows in the car, looking at my arms for hairs to dark or long or curly to be feminine,  shaving my legs anytime a man is coming over even if I just shaved them that morning. waxing my lip (and chin!) every other week, getting my eyebrows done at least once a month, I even color my hair more often so the roots aren’t noticeable to anyone but me.  If I could get paid for the amount of time I now spend grooming and removing my body hair I would have a new car by now!

I’ve looked into threading (to far away), considered laser therapy (too expensive), professional waxing (hair has to grow for to long to be able to wax) , at home laser (machine is more $ than I have – although if I stopped all other hair removal methods I could probably afford it after a year of looking like cousin it), so for now I will keep doing what I do.  Walmart waxes my eyebrow to keep them from looking like caterpillars and I pluck in between, I wax my lip and chin and pluck what I miss obsessively, stare over my body in the shower for mole hairs, on the neck or arms, pluck treasure trail hairs ( that shouldn’t even BE a body part on a woman!), and nipple hair (WTF right?!?) , shave my legs from the tips of my toes up to my hips – shaving every possible part I can find, and occasionally even trying to wax my toes  (which never works) and my fingers (that never works either) and then repeating the cycle again and again for ever and ever.

I hope no more hair appears on my body, because really I don’t have time for it, and if anyone knows how to get the rampant body hair to go away I’m all ears!  ( At least I don’t have hair there – yet…)


2 Responses to “Shaving and Waxing oh my!”

  1. Loved this post! Thanks for the chuckle. The best “hairless” time in my life was during chemo (sad, but true). NO body hair whatsoever! Even the nose was void of hair. Showers were QUICK, let me tell ya!

  2. Appreciating the persistence you put into your website and in depth information you offer.
    It’s awesome to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same out of date rehashed information.

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